Tuesday, February 01, 2005, 11:25 AM
The world is such a weird place to live in.
Do you remember the time when you were a little boy? You had clear aspirations, clear goals. You know what you want. You know what you want to be.
But as you grow up, all these feelings fade. Things change. Your once ambitious goal becomes smaller and smaller. And at a moment in time, you simply dismissed them as impossible or even silly.
This may have happened to you. I don't know. But I'm certainly speaking for myself. As I aged, I grow weaker from grabbing onto my goals. I simply just let go. It's like, I don't even have the will to dream anymore. I don't have a goal in life. I don't know where to start. I don't know where my talent lies. Sounds like a whole bunch of mumbo crap. But a person who has a reason of existence has a higher chance to succeed, because they dare to reach out for their goal. Dare to dream, they say.
At one point in time, all this dream and ambitions thingy just appeared to be crap to me. Nobody could assure me of the future. I just want to stop dreaming about being a scientist or a writer anymore. I just let myself sink deeper and deeper, holding onto the sole reason of clowning around friends everyday.
Why clown around friends, you say? Because I enjoy making a fool out of myself?
Maybe.
Or maybe because you get to see different people smile just by making a fool out of yourself.
Laughter is contagious. When people laugh, I feel like laughing. When I laugh, I can even bluff myself into feeling happy.
Clowning around also helps you to elude your problems for a while. For a moment there, everything just seems to be so right. You don't think about what your future holds for you. You don't think about what tomorrow holds for you. You just do what you have to do. You go crazy. And in return, you MAY feel happy.
Maybe I should just stop clowning and concentrate on finding my own strengths and talents. Maybe I have none. But sometimes I just feel that it's better to just be serious for once. I don't even know myself anymore. Maybe one of this days part of my personality would just fade away, forgotten, to be totally replaced by the clown I've created. Maybe it would be better for me that way.
People often grumble about how unfair the world is. The world is a pretty mean place to live in, but get this straight - if it ever becomes a fair world to live in, you're probably way out of your mind.
What's fair to you may not appear fair to others. Have you ever thought about that?
Think about it.
