Thursday, May 01, 2008, 11:09 AM
Yes, you read it right. I am a sad person.
Ever since that particular day, I've told myself to train up so that I will not have to deal with loss again. That, perhaps, if I become stronger, I will be able to provide a better sense of security to my special someone so that she will not have to leave me.
Well, army happened, and I trained. I trained hard. I told myself I needed the strength to protect the people around me.
That was a lie. Really. It was never the main reason why I trained so hard. I am just a coward who wants to run away from reality. Training just tires me out and stop me from thinking about anything. It numbs my senses.
The fact of the matter is the product of my training will be with me. It will never walk away from me. I know that. And that helps me to sleep better at night. I'm just a low-esteem idiot with no sense of security. Yes friends, you can laugh at me. But this is who I am.
But the problem now is that I'm starting to have back problems. I have no idea why. I just want to get back to training and this is impeding my schedule. I hate it. I hate it when I can't do what makes me sleep better at night.
All I want to do is to train and be happy. Girlfriend? Yeah, sure. But I don't think I can deal with a loss again. I'm scared.
So, please, please be healthy again, dear back. Let the pain go away.
